【高级听力】（文末附视频）Signs That You’re Not a Mature Person

Signs That You’re Not a Mature Person

《文 末 附 视 频》

This may not be a word-for-word transcript.

Have you ever been told that you are not mature? What is maturity to you? Is it being tall, being chilled in an argument, or is it getting to a point where you do not wet your bed? Well, today, we are going to deconstruct maturity by defining exactly what it is, what it’s not, and the different aspects of maturity. Finally, as you hold your breath, we will explore the signs of immaturity. Will you make the “coveted” list of the mature? Stay tuned and find out!

What Is Maturity?

There is no universal way of defining maturity because maturity is absolutely subjective. Someone you think is mature is not necessarily mature to the next person, and sometimes, you may think yourself mature while I think you are the most childish person I have ever met. Quick question though, can you be childish and mature? 

For the purposes of this video, I will define maturity as the ability to respond to a situation in the most appropriate manner. Essentially, it means that if you stick out your tongue as a response in an argument on FA Hayek’s works, you just might be immature; or maybe not. The idea here is, as you get to a certain point in your life, society expects you to behave in a certain way. I didn’t make the rules, and I doubt you can do much to change it. 

The expectation of behavior is drawn from a standard growth in the brains and minds of human being that is almost universal. A 2-year-old from California is as likely to lie in the middle of a grocery store and scream for candy same as a 2-year-old in Ouagadougou. A 13-year-old who tries the same thing anywhere in the world might find their behavior heavily unappreciated. But is a 10-year-old who is as tall as an 18-year-old expected to behave like a young adult or like the child that he is? 

Before we answer this question, let us look at the aspects of maturity and how it can be looked at from different perspectives.

Aspects/Types of Maturity 

Physical maturity is the most obvious type of maturity and the easiest to talk about, simply because it is visible. Infants move through stages after they are born: they sit up, they start crawling, they get to that point where all they say is ‘no,’ and then they start running all around the place. The monster of puberty then hits, and sometimes, pimples are all we need to identify a 14-year-old. That and the mood swings, though the moodiness might not be particularly visible. We also see breast development in girls and the deepening voices in the young men together with the development of facial hair. At any point in life, the differences in physical maturity might lead to an assumption that one person is more mature than another. Taller people may be considered leaders and are more likely to be popular than their shorter counterparts as they assumed to be more mature.

Ever heard of the expression “big baby”? Well, this is the very definition of someone who can be observed as physically mature but immature in almost any other way. Imagine a 6ft-masculine man who cannot dress well. My point is, maturity is holistic, which is why the second aspect of maturity we will discuss is social maturity.

As the name suggests, social maturity is essentially being able to relate with others as your age dictates that you should. Have you watched the first couple of seasons of the “Big Bang Theory”? If you have, do you remember the social skills of Howard Wolowitz? Most people would say that he was behaving like a hormonal teenager. Others who are less kind may define him as uncouth. Social maturity is a matter of experience and choice, but at some age groups, some social behaviors are expected. A five-year-old who doesn’t have table manners can be excused, but a 32-year-old human being with no respect for boundaries or personal space would be found to be a bit weird – possibly rude.

How did you feel when you finally figured out that the tongue rests on the upper part of the mouth and not the lower part? I found that out fairly recently, and my mind was blown away!

Intellectual maturity is kind of like this; you learn new things, you are sometimes surprised, sometimes absolutely unimpressed, but with each step, you grow your knowledge and your reasoning skills. The thing with the intellect is that it involves some kind of practice and intentional growth, whether through reading or through listening to other people speak. Please note that intellectual maturity should not be compared to, let’s say, a person’s academic achievement.

Cognitive maturity involves an understanding of something without necessarily getting involved in a discussion about it or committing it to memory for future use. If someone can understand Maslow’s hierarchy of needs without being interested in it, they are as intellectually mature as the same guy who will scream about it at the top of their lungs.

The hardest kind of maturity to deconstruct is emotional maturity, even though it might be the most important one. Your dictionary defines emotional maturity as “how well you are able to respond to situations, control your emotions and behave in an adult manner when dealing with others.” Therefore, in any situation, an individual who is emotionally mature as expected in his or her age bracket will be able to look at matters from different perspectives before coming to a conclusion. 

To give an example: a child who is told he cannot have a toy car could react by, well, laying in the middle of a mall and screaming their lungs out. Passers-by would look at the mother sympathetically, but no one would lose any sleep (maybe just his parents). However, if a 16-year-old is told that they have to wait a couple of months to get a car because the parents cannot afford it at the time, she is not allowed to react the same way as the infant. If she did, she would probably hit a couple million views on YouTube, possibly maybe even a million. (Haha) The child is cut some slack because they are not emotionally mature enough to look at it from the perspective of their parents. They want the batmobile and they want it now. As one grows older, they get a third eye, hence the gaining of perspective. 

Previously, I asked a question, is it possible to be childish and to be mature? Most people would think no. However, I personally believe that it is possible. Maturity is holistic, but human beings have some pockets of maturity that are greater than others. For example, you can find an impressive athlete who doesn’t follow most of the concepts in class, or a ridiculously smart teenager who would untangle at the prospect of having a conversation with another human being.

All the aspects of maturity discussed are a matter of circumstance: some circumstances force someone to grow up faster than they’re intended or are supposed to, which is why you will sometimes see a teenager who can handle more stress than a middle-aged human being.

So, what are the signs that you might not be a mature person?

You do not become mature because you have gotten older. I think you have gotten that as at now, considering how the different aspects of maturity have been deconstructed. Emotional escalation and reacting impulsively is one of the most common signs of immaturity. Remember, I mentioned that emotional maturity just might be the most important ones of all. When you are faced with a situation, it is sometimes appropriate to shout and scream to make your point heard (though this is usually counterproductive). However, most times, a sane conversation is preferred when you are an adult. It is also more effective.

When you throw tantrums because things did not go your way or someone did not agree to your point of view, you are immature, plain and simple. For instance, in a relationship, when your significant other proposes a toothpaste brand that will give you value for money and better results, the solution is not to pout and go sit in a corner and never to speak to him again. Listen to what he has to say, and if you disagree with his suggestion, explain why. Tell him your OCD tendencies don’t allow another brand of soap, or that your grandmother ever dated the guy who helped the inventor of the toothpaste brand come up with the marketing idea for it – you know – something believable and more effective than the silent treatment.

Immature adults also don’t know what the meaning of responsibility is, yet they think they discover responsibility. Have you ever met someone who does not do what they are expected to, ever? Like, this is the kind of person who will show up to an 8 am meeting at 8.45 am, ruggedly dressed and smelling slightly of last night’s adventures. Yet, they will expect to be forgiven for their mistake without acknowledging that they made one. At the same time, when you, a responsible adult who knows how to keep time and hide his weekend dalliances, submit one report late (well, because of your weekend dalliances), that same irresponsible human being will crucify you. They will crucify you in the office, in the office’s bathroom, in their kitchens, and in their mother-in-law’s patio. The bottom line is, when you cannot take responsibility for anything, you are a childish adult.

An immature adult is also one who is vain, egotistical and is very invested in the outward appearance of something or someone. Please note that all these are placed in a single sentence because only a combination of the three makes you immature. This is to say that you could be vain or have an ego and not necessarily be immature. Vanity is defined as excessive pride and admiration for one’s own achievements and appearances. An egotistical person is one who is excessively conceited and self-centered. A person with these three qualities doesn’t respect or listen to anyone who does not meet their standards for outward appearance. This is to say that if you have a bad hair day, or even a bad lip day (where the lip is swollen from your dalliances), they wouldn’t want to be associated with you. For them, you are what can be seen, nothing more. You have no opinions that matter to them. And even if you did, they are uninterested in exploring that because of the packaging you come in. Furthermore, they believe that they are the most important person in the entire world, that the world revolves around them, and that they are owed everything they want. Ego is good, but only when it reinforces your self-confidence, not when it makes you think you are God’s gift to humanity.

In essence, an emotionally mature person has the following qualities that immature people probably lack:

They are confident without being egotistical. For them, it is more important that they are comfortable in their own skin rather than being better than everyone else.

They understand that sometimes, it makes sense to be quiet. This does not mean that they do not express their opinion; it just means that they know when to shut up.

Communication and the effective kind at that is very important to mature people. When they want to pass information to another person, they do it directly and with absolutely no fluff. Kind of like this video.

They also understand that the only drama they should have in their life is from the reruns of Scandal on Netflix. Toxic people and people who hinder them from achieving their goals should not be in their lives, because then again, what would be the point?

Change is neither scary nor completely destabilizing to mature people. Such people understand that nothing is set in stone, and in the blink of an eye, everything could change; the second coming could happen or the apocalyptic theories from movies could come to life!

Immaturity is not illegal, neither is it one of the seven cardinal sins. But what maturity gives you is perspective, and that is the most important skill anyone needs to be able to survive in this world. 

Have you evaluated yourself? Are you mature? Maybe not so much? The good news is that you can become a mature person if you make a choice to do so.

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